One of the worst things you can do is hook up with someone and then set about trying to change him. This usually comes about because you were attracted to certain parts of a guy such as his looks or his sense of humor or intelligence. Anything that’s not so appealing to you are things that you figure you can take care of once you’ve snagged him, and that’s something that cannot be further from the truth.
When you take on someone to have relationship with, you take him as he is. There’s really no other choice in the matter because any changing that you attempt to do with him is just going to push him away from you. Besides, when you’re looking for someone to love, you most likely don’t go around picking someone out because he looks good. Starting with a shell is never a good idea. You find someone that you’re drawn to for various reasons and not just because he’s hot.
In fact, the old adage of not judging a book by its cover also applies when choosing the men you like. He may look awesome on the outside but have a purely black soul on the inside. Sadly, it’s not unusual for beauty and evil to reside in the same body. So while he may have the face of an angel, that doesn’t mean he has the heart of one.
On the other hand, when you meet someone that draws your attention, take mental notes of the things you like about him. If the list is long enough, you may want to pursue this a bit. The one thing you do not want to do is go into things thinking that the few things you may not like about the guy are things that you can fix. If you’re attracted to him as he is, you’re going to have to accept the rest of him, too.
Also, consider that you’re not so perfect, either. There may be things about you that men would love to change but they don’t try because the rest of you is rather endearing. Actually, it is women that tend to try to change men more so than the other way around. Men aren’t that interested in swapping out things on their women. The exceptions would be male agents in charge of models or actresses, and then the changes are usually superficial ones.
(Lots of things matter in life. Your career. Your health. Your finances. But nothing matters quite as much as your relationships.)
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The point is that when you meet someone that you like, take him at face value. Don’t look at him and think instantly of all the ways that you can mold him into your perfect man. It rarely ever works out. On top of that, while you may be able to accomplish the changes you want, it’s quite possible that you’ll be the only happy one in the relationship. When men are forced to change against their will, they’re usually not very happy, and if you’re content with being happy no matter what it takes from your partner, then you’re a rather self-centered individual that needs to do some changing as well.